Confused

Once a time, I fell in love with this beautiful girl. There was something about her, the way she carried herself, her confidence that lit up the room as she walks in. I never thought I would fall in love with anyone until that day . The best part about being in love with her was that every moment that we shared, it was full of laughter, happiness and the presence of peace. I really did loved that girl and I still do. I gave thanks to GOD every day for bringing her in my life, because she brought joy to my life. I loved being around her. She always made my problems go away with her smile, and the way she touched me. I felt loved and appreciated by her. Everything was fine and dandy for a while, then all of suddenly, it disappeared. I mean, dead. Gone. Disconnected. She was gone. No longer the taste of her sweet strawberry kisses lingering on my lips, long intimate hugs, the feeling of being loved and wanted. It’s not there anymore. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get it back. All that’s left is a memories that I can’t touch or smell. I miss touching her, kissing her and holding her close to my heart. I always could look into her perfect brown eyes and see myself. I get so lost in her.

I have done my best as a man, providing for her. I’ve done my best as a friend, being there for her and still it wasn’t enough. I fought hard to show her that I was the best man for her, and still it wasn’t enough. I wonder, did I try hard enough with her? Enough to show her that I was willing to fight for her love, her heart? I've fought God on this many time, and he always won. He knew what was best for us.

Now, that she is gone, I find myself wondering about many things surrounding love and relationship. I find myself wondering, if I will ever have that same love I experienced with her but long enough to make it last forever? Will I ever feel the warmth of love, feeling so completed? Before she left, Everyone was saying she was the one for me, because they saw it in our eyes and then it was gone. Just like that. Can that really happen? Right now, I need a glance, a smile, a touch, because I feel so desperate and alone. My heart tells me that if I ever get a chance once again, I will reach out and grab her hand tightly and never let it go, but I know it will never happen again. They say memories allows us to move on, but I say it allows us to suffer as well.

Maybe someday after my heart heals, I’ll meet someone, and hopefully I will open up to her. Cover to Cover. Nothing to hide. No pain, no fears, no hopelessness. By then, I’ll be able to see everything, because before I was blind. We’ll see.