Love Accessible and Familiar

Looking at you, I could dream about you for days.
I could kiss you a thousand times and still not be satisfied.
There's something about you, don't know where to begin,
All I know is that my love for you is endless, so tender, so hot and complete.
I swear with all my heart that I want you in my life.
I find myself loving you more and more with each day passing
And as tomorrow approaches, I know I will love you more than I did yesterday.
When reminded of what Love is, I see our love as all the things you are to me
You gave me hope, and show me many reasons why I love you more and more
So with this I ask you to accept my heart as your and let our heart join as one, let it beat together
Baby, I live for you, without you I"m nothing.
FOr the first time in long time, I have you to believe in me.
For the better, for the worse, you've seen me and still take as I am
I find myself giving thanks to God for you
I want you and always will and there is nothing that will ever change the way I feel about you

Fighting Words

Things aint right between you and me. 
Tired of all ofthe fightings
Tired of all the cryings late at night/
Telling me you wanna go 
But baby we got lot to lose


So right I choose
to get back right back 
to what matters
the heart of it is us
And I will stop fighting and crying if you agree
we can bring it back to you and me


So take my hand and let's ride out the storm together
Many reasons we have to keep fighting for us
We show love for each other
We give each other hope
we help each other to cope
From you, I learned to love
I live for you baby
And now I want to give
Can we make it right once and for all 


If you're afraid then tell me so I can make it better
Let's pray together you and I
Without God there is no us
Let the love of God bring us together
You're my world and nothing more

Random Stuff

I wrote this in five minute.. on my cell phone.  Just being random...  Have a great evening!

Sitting here in the dark recounting all lies told to the fools like me; false promises, all that I have heard, all that I've seen. Just sitting here, counting all those time, you never were there for me, wastin' my time, spending my dime, not caring about me. Never bothered to ask how I feel, got me facing my fears alone its alright. Im used to deal with my pain alone, but know this im feeling like Cain in the bible and that aint good at all. Peace.

Confusion

Loud chatter echoes from the back of the room. My eyes dart to the notes on the board, and then I duck my head and scribble them down.  I raise my head again to listen to my co-worker talking, but it is nearly impossible to hear him with the noise behind me. My eyes flick to the coworker, next to me, but my co-worker is busy writing down notes and not paying attention to me. I'm sitting here missing key information, which I need to know.  Suddenly, I hear everyone start talking at the same time, and things become confusing and I struggle to sort the whole chaos going on.  Sadly, the scene I described was all too common at work for the past few years. The managers in the back row and all the chatting co-workers were difficult for me to keep up.  One thing that most people don't know about me is that I am profoundly deaf and I use a hearing aid to help me hear. The hearing aid doesn't allow me to hear as well as a person with normal hearing.

One of the disadvantages of being deaf with hearing aids is that it is very difficult to understand a person who mumbles badly or has a thick accent. I sometime struggle to understand people in crowds, noisy environments and It's not always easy to adjust to it.  It's not just work I have trouble dealing with, but it's with my friends as well. People often forget that I am hearing impaired, and they need to learn to take the time to make sure I understand what is going on. Many times, I've been left out of the conversation and it hurt my feelings.  I've struggled throughout my life trying to fit in this world called " hearing" It's a world where all people who has perfect hearing, perfect speech exists.   There is another world for deaf people, and it's called “Deaf" I don't fit in with both worlds. I'm a misfit.  I have no home.  I struggle to find respect in both worlds, and it's not always easy.   In the deaf world, I'm viewed as someone who is stuck-up, thinks he knows it all, just because I have a Master Degree and I don't draw disability checks like most deaf people does.  They expect me to struggle in this life with little or no money.  Now, the hearing world. I'm perceived as someone who is “special child" who just happened to get lucky with his college education and working at Lockheed Martin.  I struggle, I tell you. No matter how hard I work, NO matter how hard I try.. I'm always reminded that there is limit and I can't go over that, because of my disability.  I've always wondered if my ex-girlfriends left me because of my hearing loss and I don't care what anyone says, I do know that it does play a role in a relationship, and most people just can't handle that.  I've always wondered if that is the reason why I can't find a job.  I've always wondered I never get invited to hang with my friends, because of my hearing loss.  Believe it or not, No matter what people say, they always judge me because of what's in my ears, not what's in my heart. 

That is why; I can't afford to be like a normal person with hearing.  One thing I've learned when I was younger is that... no matter what I am good at, whether it is at sports, school, reading, I'm always going to work twice as hard just to be recognized for something I shouldn't have to work hard for.  That's the theme of my life.  That's what I deal with on daily basis.  I don't have time to sit back and enjoy life, because the minute I slip up, is when they find a way to get rid of me.  That's what happened to me at Lockheed.  Never again.   Things I've gone through, most of you haven't.  Things I've gone through, I've never told anyone about and yes it's that deep.  I made a promise to myself that next time; I have to work twice as hard to make sure I stay ahead of the game at all costs.  I can't afford to lose.  I'm a black male and I'm deaf.  It's already hard enough being a black man. Now, try being a deaf man as well.  Yeah.  It's harder than you think. Life isn't fair, but we make the most out of it.

Does it exist?

Few weeks ago, I finally realized about something else and I hate to say this, but it took me long time to understand what perfection really means. You know how hard it is to find ideal woman is real hard these days? How do I know when there is a perfect woman out there for me? How do I know whether my dream girl is the ideal woman for me? I thought about it, here's what I've come to conclusion: Perfection is an ideal situation where everything is just the way it should be, no flaws, no irregularities. So basically, a perfect state or condition, there is seamless integration and functioning of all elements and components. So basically, what I am saying is that.... there are no such things as perfection. It is not possible. I think we've spent all of our life striving for perfection. It's just an illusion to us. I learned that there are no such things as a perfect woman. No woman is perfect. The ideal woman is not a perfect woman, but one who comes close. By understanding the concept of perfect, it helps you put your priorities in the right places. I do believe though that there is a woman out there who comes close to perfections than other. I do believe that the closer the woman is to perfection, better it is for you and the relationship.

So I had to ask myself this question: What makes a woman the ideal woman for me? I had to sit down and write down criteria and I realized that everyone just wanted to be happy. That’s' the most important thing... be happy. What I yearn for is a loving and caring woman, who is honest and trustworthy in relationship. I want a lady, who is committed to the relationship 110 percent. When certain situation arises, she has to be able to deal with the situation and be content with it. I want someone who believes in sharing and caring for other people. Be considerate of other people's feelings and know when to help out. I want a lady who is God-Fearing woman, who attends church with me. She doesn't have to be a perfect Christian, but at least make effort to be the best Christian. Most important of all, she has to be simple. Lead a simple lifestyle. Virtues of a woman lasts lifetime... Outward appearance fades with time. I think I finally understand what I want in a woman. Maybe it’s too late, maybe it's not... We'll see.

People in my Life

Always believed that people come into my life for a reason.
No matter what, their path always crosses my path for a reason.
At least that’s what I believe.


In my life, many people come and go.
Some I miss.
Some I don't realize they're not around.
Some I can't imagine living without them in my life.
Some I could care less.
Some people are so hard to forget, but I wish I could.


First thing on my mind when I wake up.
I question why they’ve come into my life.
Does it really matter?
I swore that I would never open myself up to another.
Not my heart anyway.


MY instinct tells me to do what I do every other time.
Just remove myself from it.
Stop answering their calls so that they’ll eventually give up.
I try but I can’t.


It’s NEVER been this difficult before.
Maybe someone’s trying to say something.
Maybe all the years of running have finally caught up with ME.
Maybe I don’t have the strength to run anymore.
Maybe I want to be found.

Why I love my friends

Today, I posted a Facebook status and it said "Friendship is something I value... but sometime you have to let it go, in order to make room for a new one."  Have you heard of this saying and it goes something like this:  " Friends are like a diamonds, precious and rare, and difficult to come by."  I'm not sure what that supposed to mean, but from that saying, it's basically saying that we have to do whatever it takes to keep our friendship at all cost. Do I agree with it?   Well,  I love all of my friends.  I was there for them when they needed me. I gave them money, food, clothes, etc.  I love them with all my heart.  But some of them have to go.  Friendship is about growing, changing, and figuring out what we want.  One thing I've learned about my friends this summer is that we all change in different ways, at different time and sometime friendships can survive that, sometime it can't.  I also learned that sometime no matter how bad we want our friendship to work, sometime we have to let them go.  It's never really easy to let go of a relationship you had with that person, because of history you and that person had together.  Let me ask you a question:  Do you want to have a friendship with someone who holds you back, never bring joy into your life, and always thinking about their own well-being, and not your? Do you want a friendship with someone who doesn't care enough to be part of your life small or big? Do you want to risk your happiness for that? Do you want a friendship where you are constantly trying, and that person isn't?  

So many of my friends failed this summer, and so they have to go. 

Like I said before.. It's never easy letting it go.. whether it's friendship, family, or someone you love.  Nothing is easy.