Dear Life,
I learned something new recently. I learned that loving is a giving thing. Now, I can't speak for anyone else, but for myself and I can say this right now, I'm too selfish to love anyone right now, because I have this fear of loving someone completely and getting hurt again. I understand that loving is part of life, and it comes with good and bad. I'm at the point in my life where I am wondering whether I will ever have someone who will love me enough to tell me the truth, no matter how difficult it can be. I"m wondering if I will ever get a chance to really show that person that I love in a way that a woman would want to be loved: Cherished, and loved in many way.
I'm sitting here on my couch and it is 11:00pm and I'm asking myself this questions: If you hurt someone with what you perceive to be their and your best interests in mind, while simultaneously knowing that what you are doing will hurt that person, is it any different than actively trying to hurt the person. Is it possible to want to hurt someone you love in an extreme moment but still love and care for that person? Is it possible to call that love? Is it possible to be selfish, and treat that person like they are nothing, just because you are looking out for yourself, and not them? I know the bible calls for forgiving that person and moving on, but it's never that easy to do so. Yes, so many questions, but no answers. I'm confused about everything. I'm not sure If I ever will understand this whole thing.. why people hurt each other, why people claim to love and care for that person and still hurt them in a way that may affect them for long time.. I'm not sure of anything. Right now, I'm confused. I think I'll get on my knee and say a prayer.
