Saying GoodByes

Looking back to the time we shared

And here I am wondering if it was all real to me

Looking back to that moment where I realized

What I felt for you was true

My heart was full of love for you

So in all, we tired,

But we've come to the end of the road

So,I'm saying GoodByes...

 

You gave me strength

You gave me courage

You gave me life

You gave me the wings I need to fly

You've found your happiness

So I'm saying Good byes...

 

All the lies you told

All the hurt you've caused

All the game you played

All the trust I had gone

So I'm saying Good byes..

 

I've tried and cried
And died inside by the rules i did abide
But without subtlety
Lies from those that despise
Brought forth my demise
Think not that i am broken
Butt rather the experience has made me wise

So I'm saying Good byes...

What is Christmas

My earliest memory of Christmas is me, at three or four, sleeping in my room on Christmas Eve. Just before I nodded off, my mother told me a Christmas story about Joseph, Mary and the birth of Christ.  I fell asleep in her arm and the next morning, I woke up and Santa Claus had brought me my first Nintendo system and the games that came with it. I was probably seven or eight at that time. I was so elated that I ran to my parent and gave them the biggest hugs anyone could ask for. If I asked you to stop reading for a minute and think about the best Christmas gift that you ever received, there is a good chance that you will think of something that made you happy and it doesn't have to be the expensive gifts. 


Looking back, I realized that the best thing about Christmas is that we have an opportunity to experience that special feeling, that feeling where we cherish the memories and feelings of Christmas with family and friends.  What defines Christmas is the kinder heart of people who are generous and more forgiving during this time of the year and it is a rare opportunity where everything get to be perfect for one day, because it is perfect time to remember our blessings. Christmas is bigger than anything, because we get to celebrate the birth of Christ.  The reason we have Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. If we did not have Christ, we would not have, a forever life. Merry Christmas everyone and be blessed.  




Love,




Jeremy Tuck

Love Accessible and Familiar

Looking at you, I could dream about you for days.
I could kiss you a thousand times and still not be satisfied.
There's something about you, don't know where to begin,
All I know is that my love for you is endless, so tender, so hot and complete.
I swear with all my heart that I want you in my life.
I find myself loving you more and more with each day passing
And as tomorrow approaches, I know I will love you more than I did yesterday.
When reminded of what Love is, I see our love as all the things you are to me
You gave me hope, and show me many reasons why I love you more and more
So with this I ask you to accept my heart as your and let our heart join as one, let it beat together
Baby, I live for you, without you I"m nothing.
FOr the first time in long time, I have you to believe in me.
For the better, for the worse, you've seen me and still take as I am
I find myself giving thanks to God for you
I want you and always will and there is nothing that will ever change the way I feel about you

Fighting Words

Things aint right between you and me. 
Tired of all ofthe fightings
Tired of all the cryings late at night/
Telling me you wanna go 
But baby we got lot to lose


So right I choose
to get back right back 
to what matters
the heart of it is us
And I will stop fighting and crying if you agree
we can bring it back to you and me


So take my hand and let's ride out the storm together
Many reasons we have to keep fighting for us
We show love for each other
We give each other hope
we help each other to cope
From you, I learned to love
I live for you baby
And now I want to give
Can we make it right once and for all 


If you're afraid then tell me so I can make it better
Let's pray together you and I
Without God there is no us
Let the love of God bring us together
You're my world and nothing more

Random Stuff

I wrote this in five minute.. on my cell phone.  Just being random...  Have a great evening!

Sitting here in the dark recounting all lies told to the fools like me; false promises, all that I have heard, all that I've seen. Just sitting here, counting all those time, you never were there for me, wastin' my time, spending my dime, not caring about me. Never bothered to ask how I feel, got me facing my fears alone its alright. Im used to deal with my pain alone, but know this im feeling like Cain in the bible and that aint good at all. Peace.

Confusion

Loud chatter echoes from the back of the room. My eyes dart to the notes on the board, and then I duck my head and scribble them down.  I raise my head again to listen to my co-worker talking, but it is nearly impossible to hear him with the noise behind me. My eyes flick to the coworker, next to me, but my co-worker is busy writing down notes and not paying attention to me. I'm sitting here missing key information, which I need to know.  Suddenly, I hear everyone start talking at the same time, and things become confusing and I struggle to sort the whole chaos going on.  Sadly, the scene I described was all too common at work for the past few years. The managers in the back row and all the chatting co-workers were difficult for me to keep up.  One thing that most people don't know about me is that I am profoundly deaf and I use a hearing aid to help me hear. The hearing aid doesn't allow me to hear as well as a person with normal hearing.

One of the disadvantages of being deaf with hearing aids is that it is very difficult to understand a person who mumbles badly or has a thick accent. I sometime struggle to understand people in crowds, noisy environments and It's not always easy to adjust to it.  It's not just work I have trouble dealing with, but it's with my friends as well. People often forget that I am hearing impaired, and they need to learn to take the time to make sure I understand what is going on. Many times, I've been left out of the conversation and it hurt my feelings.  I've struggled throughout my life trying to fit in this world called " hearing" It's a world where all people who has perfect hearing, perfect speech exists.   There is another world for deaf people, and it's called “Deaf" I don't fit in with both worlds. I'm a misfit.  I have no home.  I struggle to find respect in both worlds, and it's not always easy.   In the deaf world, I'm viewed as someone who is stuck-up, thinks he knows it all, just because I have a Master Degree and I don't draw disability checks like most deaf people does.  They expect me to struggle in this life with little or no money.  Now, the hearing world. I'm perceived as someone who is “special child" who just happened to get lucky with his college education and working at Lockheed Martin.  I struggle, I tell you. No matter how hard I work, NO matter how hard I try.. I'm always reminded that there is limit and I can't go over that, because of my disability.  I've always wondered if my ex-girlfriends left me because of my hearing loss and I don't care what anyone says, I do know that it does play a role in a relationship, and most people just can't handle that.  I've always wondered if that is the reason why I can't find a job.  I've always wondered I never get invited to hang with my friends, because of my hearing loss.  Believe it or not, No matter what people say, they always judge me because of what's in my ears, not what's in my heart. 

That is why; I can't afford to be like a normal person with hearing.  One thing I've learned when I was younger is that... no matter what I am good at, whether it is at sports, school, reading, I'm always going to work twice as hard just to be recognized for something I shouldn't have to work hard for.  That's the theme of my life.  That's what I deal with on daily basis.  I don't have time to sit back and enjoy life, because the minute I slip up, is when they find a way to get rid of me.  That's what happened to me at Lockheed.  Never again.   Things I've gone through, most of you haven't.  Things I've gone through, I've never told anyone about and yes it's that deep.  I made a promise to myself that next time; I have to work twice as hard to make sure I stay ahead of the game at all costs.  I can't afford to lose.  I'm a black male and I'm deaf.  It's already hard enough being a black man. Now, try being a deaf man as well.  Yeah.  It's harder than you think. Life isn't fair, but we make the most out of it.

Does it exist?

Few weeks ago, I finally realized about something else and I hate to say this, but it took me long time to understand what perfection really means. You know how hard it is to find ideal woman is real hard these days? How do I know when there is a perfect woman out there for me? How do I know whether my dream girl is the ideal woman for me? I thought about it, here's what I've come to conclusion: Perfection is an ideal situation where everything is just the way it should be, no flaws, no irregularities. So basically, a perfect state or condition, there is seamless integration and functioning of all elements and components. So basically, what I am saying is that.... there are no such things as perfection. It is not possible. I think we've spent all of our life striving for perfection. It's just an illusion to us. I learned that there are no such things as a perfect woman. No woman is perfect. The ideal woman is not a perfect woman, but one who comes close. By understanding the concept of perfect, it helps you put your priorities in the right places. I do believe though that there is a woman out there who comes close to perfections than other. I do believe that the closer the woman is to perfection, better it is for you and the relationship.

So I had to ask myself this question: What makes a woman the ideal woman for me? I had to sit down and write down criteria and I realized that everyone just wanted to be happy. That’s' the most important thing... be happy. What I yearn for is a loving and caring woman, who is honest and trustworthy in relationship. I want a lady, who is committed to the relationship 110 percent. When certain situation arises, she has to be able to deal with the situation and be content with it. I want someone who believes in sharing and caring for other people. Be considerate of other people's feelings and know when to help out. I want a lady who is God-Fearing woman, who attends church with me. She doesn't have to be a perfect Christian, but at least make effort to be the best Christian. Most important of all, she has to be simple. Lead a simple lifestyle. Virtues of a woman lasts lifetime... Outward appearance fades with time. I think I finally understand what I want in a woman. Maybe it’s too late, maybe it's not... We'll see.

People in my Life

Always believed that people come into my life for a reason.
No matter what, their path always crosses my path for a reason.
At least that’s what I believe.


In my life, many people come and go.
Some I miss.
Some I don't realize they're not around.
Some I can't imagine living without them in my life.
Some I could care less.
Some people are so hard to forget, but I wish I could.


First thing on my mind when I wake up.
I question why they’ve come into my life.
Does it really matter?
I swore that I would never open myself up to another.
Not my heart anyway.


MY instinct tells me to do what I do every other time.
Just remove myself from it.
Stop answering their calls so that they’ll eventually give up.
I try but I can’t.


It’s NEVER been this difficult before.
Maybe someone’s trying to say something.
Maybe all the years of running have finally caught up with ME.
Maybe I don’t have the strength to run anymore.
Maybe I want to be found.

Why I love my friends

Today, I posted a Facebook status and it said "Friendship is something I value... but sometime you have to let it go, in order to make room for a new one."  Have you heard of this saying and it goes something like this:  " Friends are like a diamonds, precious and rare, and difficult to come by."  I'm not sure what that supposed to mean, but from that saying, it's basically saying that we have to do whatever it takes to keep our friendship at all cost. Do I agree with it?   Well,  I love all of my friends.  I was there for them when they needed me. I gave them money, food, clothes, etc.  I love them with all my heart.  But some of them have to go.  Friendship is about growing, changing, and figuring out what we want.  One thing I've learned about my friends this summer is that we all change in different ways, at different time and sometime friendships can survive that, sometime it can't.  I also learned that sometime no matter how bad we want our friendship to work, sometime we have to let them go.  It's never really easy to let go of a relationship you had with that person, because of history you and that person had together.  Let me ask you a question:  Do you want to have a friendship with someone who holds you back, never bring joy into your life, and always thinking about their own well-being, and not your? Do you want a friendship with someone who doesn't care enough to be part of your life small or big? Do you want to risk your happiness for that? Do you want a friendship where you are constantly trying, and that person isn't?  

So many of my friends failed this summer, and so they have to go. 

Like I said before.. It's never easy letting it go.. whether it's friendship, family, or someone you love.  Nothing is easy. 

Life isn't always clear to me...

Dear Life,
I learned something new recently.  I learned that loving is a giving thing. Now, I can't speak for anyone else, but for myself and I can say this right now, I'm too selfish to love anyone right now, because I have this fear of loving someone completely and getting hurt again.  I understand that  loving is part of life, and it comes with good and bad.  I'm at the point in my life where I am wondering whether I will ever have someone who will love me enough to tell me the truth, no matter how difficult it can be.  I"m wondering if I will ever get a chance to really show that person that I love in a way that a woman would want to be loved: Cherished, and loved in many way.
I'm sitting here on my couch and it is 11:00pm and I'm asking myself this questions:  If you hurt someone with what you perceive to be their and your best interests in mind, while simultaneously knowing that what you are doing will hurt that person, is it any different than actively trying to hurt the person. Is it possible to want to hurt someone you love in an extreme moment but still love and care for that person? Is it possible to call that love? Is it possible to be selfish, and treat that person like they are nothing, just because you are looking out for yourself, and not them?  I know the bible calls for forgiving that person and moving on, but it's never that easy to do so.  Yes, so many questions, but no answers. I'm confused about everything. I'm not sure If I ever will understand this whole thing.. why people hurt each other, why people claim to love and care for that person and still hurt them in a way that may affect them for long time.. I'm not sure of anything. Right now, I'm confused. I think I'll get on my knee and say a prayer.

Taking a Chance....

I'll keep it short and simple...  Lately, I've been thinking about life.. and how we are given a chance to accomplish something in life, whether it is job opportunities, love life, going out and live life in a way you would want to.  I feel I've failed a lot this year when it comes to taking chances. Every since I got laid off, I've come to realize about life:  Life is filled with opportunities and potential and that is one of the greatest things that it offers to us.  IT is our to take.  

We are so busy trying to organize our life in a way that we think should be perfect and we often forget to take a chance..... We're so busy consuming with how things should be right in our mind, and we don't listen to our heart.  Is that how we really should be living? As I look back on my life in the past two years... I don't regret taking any of the chances I took, but there are plenty that I regretted not taking a chance on. My advice for those out there:  Live life the way it's supposed to be, be open to any possibilities. Life is amazing. Give it a chance.   

The Truth I didn't want to hear

These days, I’m spending more time at home, reflecting back on what I’ve gone through in the past two months. You know how we are having great time in our lives and we are just riding along, enjoying life; and all of suddenly, You get hit with unexpected? That’s what happened to me. I will never forget the day I was called into the office and was given a layoff notification.  That was the worst feeling anyone can have.  My heart sank. I didn’t feel good.  It took me few days to finally accept that I no longer had a job with Lockheed Martin.   Through all of this, I have come to a realization- I am so focused on trying to find a job, and I forgot to depend on God. I forgot to let God take care of this messy situation for me.  So many times when we are faced with a situation, God is trying to tell us something.   I think in my case, He is trying to tell me to place my faith in him and let him take care of this for me.

I always thought that my friends would always be there for me, no matter what. Well, I found out a lot about what kind of friends I had.   You see, in my opinion, true friends will always be there for you, no matter what.and an opportunities opens the door, You will find who’s there for you and who’s not there for you.  Keep that in mind, Jesus was abandoned by those to whom he was closest.

I had a crisis, and found that people I counted on let me down. The good part is that I found true friends in places I never expected.  To those who were there from me from the beginning and continue to do so, thank you.  You guys were my rock, and gave me encouraging words.   I have faith that I will have a new job soon, and when I do…. I will take my true friends out to dinner. 

God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them.  ~Author Unknown

Why it's so hard to meet a good woman.... ( Male point of view)

Many women will claim that they want men to respect them for who they are, and treat them with respect and dignity. Why is it, though, that whenever push comes to shove, and they actually meet a man who treats them well, they find him boring, or they take all their vengeance on the male species out on him, suspecting he'll put up with it, thinking he's a push-over? 

Why are they afraid to get close to him, emotionally speaking? Why do women CREATE unnecessary conflict in such relationships? Why are they more drawn to men who will emotionally and/or physically abuse them? Do they feel safer in a relationship where they are being used rather than loved, since it is less effort to get a man to use them than to love them? Are women that influenced by the media, or is there more to this that I am not seeing?

If you are an exception to this, please don't take offense. Rather understand, though, that at least from my perspective, you seem to be an exception, not the norm.

Also, how much(and what) can a man put up with, before he truly should be considered a push-over? We want to be nice and kind and forgive her 70 x 7 times, but at what point do we need to dump her?

Past and the Present: The Journey never ends

                     

Past:

First of all, 2010 was a year of growth and exploration. It was one of the most unusual years for me. Here are some of the highlights from 2010:

•          Dealing with My Aunt Nettie and My cousin Cam’s death within two weeks apart of each other.
•          Developing and maintaining my relationship with people I love ( dating, family and friends) 
•       Pushed myself beyond the limit just to accomplish goals at work. (Working overtimes and  weekends)
•          Dealing with my father’s sickness and being in hospital for several weeks)
•          Dealing with the breakup with my ex and handling it emotionally and mentally.
•         Drama going on with family and friends.

In many ways, I would say it has been a chaotic year for me. If you had to sit here and think about it, you would think that I placed high emphasis on stability, security and loyal in 2010. I admit I spent lot of time pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone, and I know I have pushed people’s boundaries as well. I did that to get people to try new things. I can definitely say that 2010 was very stressful year and I went through a lot, but at the same time, I did experience new things.  I feel like I really lived this year, not in the sense of living it up, but in the sense of having “had a life” outside of work. I did a number of things just for the experience because I’d never done them before.

 It really felt good to push myself to move in new directions, especially after all the tribulations occurred in the past year. I found myself rediscovering myself as an individual that I could be proud of. I had to take a look at my values and evaluate what was important to me in my life. What are my priorities and what do I want in life? I decided that I wanted to explore experience and contribute in life.   I guess you can say that I spent some time exploring personal growth in 2010 and I don’t have any regrets about that.

Present:

Since 2010 was very intense and difficult year for me, I’ve decided to continue my personal growth into 2011, because I’m still learning from my experiences in 2010 and I feel while it is important to set new goals for this year, I must remember to use the experiences in 2010 as guidance to make myself better overall in many aspects of my life.

My new goals for this year are to make sure I have an opportunity to enjoy my freedom, the freedom to enjoy life. I want the freedom to be not chained to work.  I want the freedom to be able to express myself honestly and openly, and not willing to conform to other’s expectations in order to get what I want.  I want fun, excitement, challenges this year. I want to experience new things! I’m excited about what this year will bring, because you’ll never know what will happen.

  

Kiss in the Rain

Last night, I had a dream about this girl I had just met.  All I remember is that we were stepping out of the car and into street, and the rain was slowly falling hitting the ground softly. I remember this girl was wrapping her arm around my neck and my hand on her waist. Our eyes were focused on each other, like we didn't have any care in the world. I leaned in and whispered into her ear, " You know You always are smiling, and there's no room for any tears in your heart."  Then I watched her smiling with joy and for a moment, our lips touched each other, in the rain, in middle of nowhere.  We kissed with passion. I held her tight and for a moment, I thought  I heard the angels crying, and what a beautiful sound it was. I never knew that a kiss could be perfect with the right girl. I felt her pulling my lower lips and what a feeling it was! My whole body tingled, like I lost control temporarily. That's all I remembered... I promise you, If you don't know what perfection is... Kissing in the rain will give you that perfect feeling, if done with the right one.  There's lot of things in the world that can take away pain, but kissing in the rain.. takes the cake. You know what... I'll never know who that girl was, but I can assure you, she's here, I just haven't met her yet.

Every woman needs...

A woman needs...

needs a real man, who can ... who will support her talent instead of tear her down. 

 needs a man who doesn't mind sharing her with  his computer because he knows whatever success she achieve from my goals that she do will eventually benefit him.

needs a man to understand her passion for life and she knows he will support her no matter what. 

 needs a man who understands when she is focused on something important, knows that he might as well hang it up if he wanted something from her. Although sometimes a woman will amaze him, when she drop what I'm doing and see what he wants or sometimes take a break, get a "whopping release" from him - which we all  have done before and not even realized it. "Oh my Lord, it's four in the morning already," is a very familiar phrase.(Yeah, that's TMI)

need a man who will understand that  her house will never look like the Brady Brunch unless he employees a maid or do it himself.

need a man who will know she can cook, she just choose to do it three times out the week and two of them might consist of a well put together Banquet meal and a pot pie from the microwave.

need a man to know that there's a meaning to her madness, but if he just waits for the end product it will make sense.

need a man to know that she have a father already who will move mountains for me, a job that takes care of her benefits and pays the necessary bills, and a retirement built up that will make sure she do not need anything financially once she decide to stop working, but needs a man who will want to make her unbelievably out of her mind happy, who will be the rock she need to lean on, and the one who she can be vulnerable with, becauseit's hard work being the strong black woman all the time 24/7. And that's very rare to see that these day.

need a man who can find his own hobby and not sit around twiddling his thumbs and constantly asking me, "what are we doing tonight"

 

need a man who will kiss  her tired fingers, bring her an Lemon Sweet Tea when he knows She's dead tired, and can't do anything.

need a man who will run her a hot bath, with candles burning with Barry White playing in background, giving her a bath, and then drying her off with a towel, and put her to bed, doing it because he knows she've had a hard day.

needs a man who will stare into her eyes, and tell her that everything is going to be okay, and kisses her on forehead and all of sudden the world just got better.

needs a man who not only showers her with gifts, but showers with love, affection and hugs.