Past and the Present: The Journey never ends

                     

Past:

First of all, 2010 was a year of growth and exploration. It was one of the most unusual years for me. Here are some of the highlights from 2010:

•          Dealing with My Aunt Nettie and My cousin Cam’s death within two weeks apart of each other.
•          Developing and maintaining my relationship with people I love ( dating, family and friends) 
•       Pushed myself beyond the limit just to accomplish goals at work. (Working overtimes and  weekends)
•          Dealing with my father’s sickness and being in hospital for several weeks)
•          Dealing with the breakup with my ex and handling it emotionally and mentally.
•         Drama going on with family and friends.

In many ways, I would say it has been a chaotic year for me. If you had to sit here and think about it, you would think that I placed high emphasis on stability, security and loyal in 2010. I admit I spent lot of time pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone, and I know I have pushed people’s boundaries as well. I did that to get people to try new things. I can definitely say that 2010 was very stressful year and I went through a lot, but at the same time, I did experience new things.  I feel like I really lived this year, not in the sense of living it up, but in the sense of having “had a life” outside of work. I did a number of things just for the experience because I’d never done them before.

 It really felt good to push myself to move in new directions, especially after all the tribulations occurred in the past year. I found myself rediscovering myself as an individual that I could be proud of. I had to take a look at my values and evaluate what was important to me in my life. What are my priorities and what do I want in life? I decided that I wanted to explore experience and contribute in life.   I guess you can say that I spent some time exploring personal growth in 2010 and I don’t have any regrets about that.

Present:

Since 2010 was very intense and difficult year for me, I’ve decided to continue my personal growth into 2011, because I’m still learning from my experiences in 2010 and I feel while it is important to set new goals for this year, I must remember to use the experiences in 2010 as guidance to make myself better overall in many aspects of my life.

My new goals for this year are to make sure I have an opportunity to enjoy my freedom, the freedom to enjoy life. I want the freedom to be not chained to work.  I want the freedom to be able to express myself honestly and openly, and not willing to conform to other’s expectations in order to get what I want.  I want fun, excitement, challenges this year. I want to experience new things! I’m excited about what this year will bring, because you’ll never know what will happen.

  

Kiss in the Rain

Last night, I had a dream about this girl I had just met.  All I remember is that we were stepping out of the car and into street, and the rain was slowly falling hitting the ground softly. I remember this girl was wrapping her arm around my neck and my hand on her waist. Our eyes were focused on each other, like we didn't have any care in the world. I leaned in and whispered into her ear, " You know You always are smiling, and there's no room for any tears in your heart."  Then I watched her smiling with joy and for a moment, our lips touched each other, in the rain, in middle of nowhere.  We kissed with passion. I held her tight and for a moment, I thought  I heard the angels crying, and what a beautiful sound it was. I never knew that a kiss could be perfect with the right girl. I felt her pulling my lower lips and what a feeling it was! My whole body tingled, like I lost control temporarily. That's all I remembered... I promise you, If you don't know what perfection is... Kissing in the rain will give you that perfect feeling, if done with the right one.  There's lot of things in the world that can take away pain, but kissing in the rain.. takes the cake. You know what... I'll never know who that girl was, but I can assure you, she's here, I just haven't met her yet.

Every woman needs...

A woman needs...

needs a real man, who can ... who will support her talent instead of tear her down. 

 needs a man who doesn't mind sharing her with  his computer because he knows whatever success she achieve from my goals that she do will eventually benefit him.

needs a man to understand her passion for life and she knows he will support her no matter what. 

 needs a man who understands when she is focused on something important, knows that he might as well hang it up if he wanted something from her. Although sometimes a woman will amaze him, when she drop what I'm doing and see what he wants or sometimes take a break, get a "whopping release" from him - which we all  have done before and not even realized it. "Oh my Lord, it's four in the morning already," is a very familiar phrase.(Yeah, that's TMI)

need a man who will understand that  her house will never look like the Brady Brunch unless he employees a maid or do it himself.

need a man who will know she can cook, she just choose to do it three times out the week and two of them might consist of a well put together Banquet meal and a pot pie from the microwave.

need a man to know that there's a meaning to her madness, but if he just waits for the end product it will make sense.

need a man to know that she have a father already who will move mountains for me, a job that takes care of her benefits and pays the necessary bills, and a retirement built up that will make sure she do not need anything financially once she decide to stop working, but needs a man who will want to make her unbelievably out of her mind happy, who will be the rock she need to lean on, and the one who she can be vulnerable with, becauseit's hard work being the strong black woman all the time 24/7. And that's very rare to see that these day.

need a man who can find his own hobby and not sit around twiddling his thumbs and constantly asking me, "what are we doing tonight"

 

need a man who will kiss  her tired fingers, bring her an Lemon Sweet Tea when he knows She's dead tired, and can't do anything.

need a man who will run her a hot bath, with candles burning with Barry White playing in background, giving her a bath, and then drying her off with a towel, and put her to bed, doing it because he knows she've had a hard day.

needs a man who will stare into her eyes, and tell her that everything is going to be okay, and kisses her on forehead and all of sudden the world just got better.

needs a man who not only showers her with gifts, but showers with love, affection and hugs.

Angry, Bitter and Hateful People

“ Bitter describes a person who takes any statement as a personal insult. It doesn't even matter if the statement is about them at all or not. “

Angry, hateful and bitter people often create problems in workplace, friendships and relationship because they believe that if they are unhappy in their lives, then others must suffer.   I’m sitting here trying to figure out what makes people bitter and angry and I’ve come to conclusions, that they have trouble getting past the disappointments in their life.  People will dwell on them, and hold on to the past and it becomes a key factor in their life in a negative way. They hold in pain and hurt so long, as the times progresses on, they will take it out on anyone involved in their life.   I guess maybe they can’t just handle disappointments,  and they end up being bitter and hateful.  I understand that there are some folks  out there that may have negative feelings toward people and may have valid reasons to be angry, but at the same time, there are others just wish to avoid responsibility for their own failings.

In general, I think we as people need to learn how to do things to be happy. Happiness should be part of our life. We need to learn to be happy, not being angry and bitter.

 

Compromising values... Is it worth it?

I'm working on a blog right now.. This should be posted sometime next week.. It'll be very intense and very interesting. Meanwhile.. read up on some of my old posts from myspace... It never gets old, but hopefully you'll learn something new from this.

Is it really worth it? Do we compromise our values, just to give that person what they want?

One of the mistakes I learned from compromising your values is that people who compromise values for many reasons. Sometime we may ignore one of our values simply to please the people in your life. I know it's not good at all. Friendship, Relationship, Associates.. etc… it's about trust, acceptance, appreciation, love and honesty. We simply cannot afford to be anything than who you really are within a relationship or friendship... I think it's important that we should remain true to ourselves. Today, I learned that there are many people out there who are not being true themselves, constantly faking friendship or relationship, etc and yet they wonder why they can't keep someone in their life.

I guess we should understand that committing to being genuine and true to your values is the key here. Man, don't ever let anyone compromise your values no matter what. Our parent raised us according to their values, and we will raise our children according to our values that our parent instilled in us, so it's very important that we stick to what we believe in and not compromise it at all. If anyone comes along and he or she may insist that your value is not of importance to them, therefore it shouldn't be to you. Right? WRONG! Remember our values are extremely valuable to us, and it's important that we remain true to it. If you give in and let that person have their way; believe me, you will regret it. I made this mistake and still regret it to this day.

Whatever relationship we have with certain person (Love, business, social, etc...), it's based on acceptance of each others values. I feel like we shouldn't even attempt to convince someone that their value is wrong. I think that there is nothing wrong with expressing our values to anyone, but to convince them to change theirs when they do not agree with us is not right.

When we compromise our important values… it will cause us to lose in two ways: You will resent that person, and you will not be happy. Second thing is that we're going to regret it no matter how we handle it……..

Consider it lesson learned for me…….I should've never compromised my values when it counted the most…….

Nothing about nothing....

So, how do I write something about something that I'm not sure how to say it? There are so many things racing through my mind about things that's going on in my life. It's so hard to express any of this. I guess I am trying to figure out what kind of direction I want to go with this, because as I continue my journey as a black man, I'm trying to figure out who's going to come along with me on this journey, and how do I move forward with this? Maybe, I'm still trying to sort my thoughts out, so that I can finally resolve some things.. maybe.. I don't know. I think we'll know more in the near future.. I guess we'll have to wait and see... Right now, I know that only one person truly understand me, how I feel, what I am thinking and that is God. More on that later....

J

Change is coming....

My mother reminded me that in the past few weeks, I've really changed and she's not sure whether it's for the best or for the worse. but at the same time. She said that it could be a good thing for me, because I am just now discovering what I want v.s. what I need in my life, and how I go about it is the hard part. I wasn't sure what she meant by that.

It took me long time to figure it out, and I think I know what mom was trying to tell me. Everyone is always trying to change their looks, personality, feelings toward people, and often we forget about our spiritually changes.
It appears that we have placed ourselves in a mind-set that often requires a tragedy to occur before specific change takes place. Sometimes we are allowed by God to do some rather stupid things so we can see the poverty of our life and make a change. Tragedy and stupidity doesn't have to be the catalyst that brings change into our lives. I don't want to get into too deep details about it, but I hope everyone gets the idea.

Your life can ONLY be as great as you believe it to be.
Believe your life is small, you shall have a small life.
Believe your life is weak, you shall have a weak life.
Believe in fear, you will experience fear.
Believe in sickness, you will experience sickness.
Believe your life is big, and your life will be BIG.

So I've always wanted to make changes in my life, and this is great opportunity to say it on here, and make good on my own promises.